


how you see me

by hxld_txght



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Detroit: Evolution (2020)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Not Beta Read, Post-Octopunk Media's Detroit: Evolution Fan Film, Self-Worth Issues, and nines is there to help him out, gavin just really needs a hug, gavin’s insecure, nines loves gavin a lot, the start of Gavin’s journey to self-acceptance and self-love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27349882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hxld_txght/pseuds/hxld_txght
Summary: Gavin’s insecurities are getting the best of him.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Comments: 12
Kudos: 92





	how you see me

**Author's Note:**

> couldn’t sleep, so i decided to write a one shot of these two based on ariana grande’s song, “pov”.  
> when i listened to this song, i was immediately reminded of nines and gavin’s relationship in detroit evolution. so i hope you guys enjoy this one shot because i sure as hell enjoyed writing this all down. 
> 
> ps, can i just say how much i would be willing to go down with this damn ship? sigh 👉🏻👈🏻

It’s not new for Gavin to be like this. Staring at himself through the condensation in the mirror that has formed during his shower earlier and wondering if he’s worth it. Wondering if he’s worthy of everything in his life right now. Is he really worthy to be called a detective in the Detroit Police Department? Is he worthy to be staying in this house with his android boyfriend/ partner? Is he even worthy to be here? 

Judging everything he’s been through, the simple answer is yes. He’s heard it from everyone in his life. Of course, he’s worth it. Of course, people want him there. Though there are days where he convinces himself that this is the truth, there are also days he can’t bring himself to actually believe the never ending reassurances from the closest people in his life. Today’s one of those days, unfortunately. 

Gavin grips the bathroom counter, watching as the misty mirror starts to cool down. His eyes follow a water droplet trickling down from the mirror, eventually catching a glimpse of his torso in the mirror. He chews the inside of his cheeks as he checks himself out. Numerous visible scars litter his chest and stomach. The older and faded ones are from his teenage years, while the newer and more visible ones are from his years in the police force. He still remembers the story of every single one.

What was once something to be smug about, however, turned into an insecurity as the years passed by. The older ones faded into dark spots into his skin. The new ones will turn the same way, melting into his skin. His skin will never be really as smooth as he would like it to be and it will never be as clean as he would like to see it. He didn’t really mind before, but now, having an android partner, he can’t help but feel as if he has to be perfect as well. 

The thought makes him wince. He wasn’t jealous of Nines, but on the contrary, he feels as if he’s lacking, especially in nights where they’re on the bed and Nines taking off his shirt. Gavin can’t help but feel more self-conscious every time. He’s a human, littered with scars all over his body, and Nines is an android whose skin will never accumulate scars. No dark spots, no rough spots. Always perfect, no matter what angle you look at it in. Gavin wanted to be perfect for Nines as well, but he knows he can’t. Nines has constantly reassured him, of course, but it hasn’t really helped. He feels awful admitting that to himself, but that’s the least he could do, especially when he doesn’t even love himself. 

He didn’t realize how long he’s been staring at himself and his various scars, until Nines knocks on the bathroom door. Gavin blinks a couple of times to get his bearings. The vapor on the mirror has now completely disappeared and the bathroom is now colder than before. His knuckles have turned white from how hard he’s been gripping the bathroom counter. The towel around his waist has now inched down a bit. Gavin swallows and closes his eyes as he hears Nines’ voice. 

“Gavin, are you okay?” 

Is he okay? Even he doesn’t know the answer to that question. What he does know is that he has to respond in about 5 seconds before Nines starts breaking down the bathroom door. He shakes his head fondly as he hears another knock.

“I’m okay, tincan,” Gavin calls out teasingly, masking his overthinking with a playful tone. He doesn’t know if it’ll work, but it was worth a shot. Nines, being the android he is, can see right through him, in a way no one has ever seen him before. He used to mind, but now he lets the android do whatever it is he had to. Lord knows he needed someone to take care of him. He wouldn’t admit that to Nines, but he assumes the android already knows.

“You’ve been in the bathroom for 40 minutes, 20 minutes more than your usual,” the android pauses for a while before continuing, “Are you feeling sick?”

Gavin shakes his head, even if Nines couldn’t see him. “No, I’m alright,” he responds. He was feeling sick, but in a different way. He was feeling sick of himself. He presses his lips together as he pushes himself off of the bathroom counter. Gavin tightens the towel around his waist before walking up to the bathroom. He breathes in, opening the door, coming face-to-face with his lover. He looks up and gives him a half-hearted smile.

“Jesus, I was gone for—“ Gavin stops to playfully check his wrist for an imaginary watch, “— 40 minutes and you’re already worried?” He raises an eyebrow, trying to silence the voices in his head talking about his torso being visible to Nines. 

Nines doesn’t respond, tilting his head to look at Gavin intently. Gavin’s eyes drift to the LED on the android’s temple and watches the color turn from light red to a bright yellow. This doesn’t help, Nines looking at him like this. He already feels self-conscious as it is. He shakes his head as he gently pushes past Nines to go toward the dresser. 

“Gavin,” Nines starts, “your heart rate is elevated and your breathing quite heavily.” Nines sits on the bed, watching Gavin pull out his clothes from the dresser. “Your body temperature is also in—“

Gavin lets out a grunt, cutting Nines off. “I get it. You’re scanning me.” He snaps as turns around to put the clothes on the bed. He straightens his back to look at Nines on the bed. Gavin puts a hand on his waist, tilting his head to look at Nines. “What else should I know about myself?” He asks. 

Nines blinks, Gavin noticing a hint of softness in the android’s eyes. “Is something wrong, Gavin?” Nines asks instead. 

Is there something wrong? Yeah, a lot. He’s overthinking and putting himself down in his head and he has to play it cool in front of his lover, who can literally see through him like glass. He feels his skin starting to heat up. He ignores it. 

“Close your eyes,” Gavin tries to tease, “I’m gonna get changed. Don’t want you seeing—” He motions down his body, “All of this.” 

Nines blinks again, LED still on the yellow side. Maybe he was overthinking himself. His lover doesn’t say anything in response, only closing his eyes. Gavin nods to himself before taking off his towel and putting on his boxers. The two spend a comfortable silence with each other as Gavin continues to get changed. 

“You’re beautiful, Gavin,” Nines suddenly says, making Gavin whip his head around, now worried that Nines was watching him. He wasn’t, much to Gavin’s delight. He doesn’t respond to the statement. 

“I wouldn’t lie to you,” Nines continues. Gavin rolls his eyes playfully, clearing his throat to signal to Nines that it was now okay to open his eyes again. 

“You’re only saying that because you’re my boyfriend,” Gavin jokes softly. It wasn’t a joke, however. It was something he’s always thought of whenever Nines compliments or reassures him. “Have you seen the scars I have?” He scoffs, walking over to the bed and sitting down, leaning his back on the headboard. 

“I have,” Nines answers quickly, eyes not leaving him, “and I’ve never seen them as flaws.” 

Gavin rolls his eyes. He was about to give Nines a snarky reply, but the android cut him off. 

“I wish you could see what I see, Gavin.” 

The statement catches Gavin off guard. He stares at Nines for a few minutes before raising his eyebrow. He crosses his arms in front of his chest, watching as Nines’ LED continues spinning yellow. He chews the inside of his cheeks again. The words that leave him makes him nervous, but he’s desperate to know. 

“What do you see?” Gavin asks softly. Nines stays quiet for a moment, scooting over to stay in front of Gavin on the bed. He watches Nines as the android takes his hands into his. His hands were rougher than Nines’ were, making him slightly insecure again. He feels Nines’ thumb rubbing his palm. He slightly feels vulnerable now, something he’s not entirely comfortable with. Gavin wants to pull his hand away and push Nines away, like he always does, but something in him yearns to know, despite the voices in his head telling him not to. 

“I see someone broken,” Nines starts, “someone with a lot of baggage.” Gavin feels something in chest. Either it was his heart stopping or his anxiety spiking through the roof, he doesn’t really know. “I see someone who doesn’t trust himself and someone who’s scared.” Gavin closes his eyes. The motion of Nines’ thumb on his palm doesn’t falter. Gavin assumes it was his lover’s way of telling him he was still there. 

“I see someone who’s unhappy with himself,” Gavin’s eyes shoot open at Nines’ words. He tilts his head, hand itching to be pulled away. If, earlier, he felt slightly vulnerable, he now felt very vulnerable. This bothers him more than he would like to admit. He sucks in a breath. 

“You carry your baggage with you everyday to the point that it meddles with your day-to-day life. You can’t let go,” Nines mumbles. Their eyes meet this time. “You don’t have to tell me every single thing on your mind, Gavin, because I feel it whenever we’re together,” Nines lets go of Gavin’s hand and retracts his hand to his lap. 

Gavin stays silent, chest aching from Nines’ words. It was the truth, he knew that, but it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt, especially coming from Nines. He’s always played it cool whenever he was around the android, not wanting to worry him. As fucked up as he was feeling right now, he was still kind of impressed Nines saw right through him...again. This is the second time, the first being the first night Nines stayed over a few months ago. Nines saw through his mask and convinced Gavin on letting him stay after his nightmare. Now, Nines was seeing through his mask again, but this time, he knew that no matter how much he tried to convince the android, he wouldn’t budge. 

“Is it all negative?” Gavin softly asks, looking up at Nines. Nines shakes his head, scooting closer and staying in between Gavin’s legs. 

“Despite all that, you know I still love you,” Nines sighs, putting a hand on Gavin’s cheek. He immediately leans into the contact, closing his eyes and putting a hand over Nines’ hand. He melts under his lover’s touch. He feels as if all the weight’s been taken away from him. A lump forms in his throat. 

“Your experiences don’t make you less human, Gavin,” Nines mumbles, now caressing Gavin’s cheek, “It’s the same for your scars.”

Gavin lets out a soft sob at Nines’ words, still holding onto Nines’ hand on his cheek as if his life depended on it. He feels hot tears starting to run down his face. Nines doesn’t move toward him, letting his thumb wipe away the tears flowing from Gavin’s eyes. 

“Your scars are what make you who you are. They tell your story,” Nines hums. Gavin feels Nines’ stare bearing into his soul. He wanted to hide, but something in him tells him not to. Something in him wants to hear what else Nines wanted to say. Something in him wants to let every single feeling of insecurity out.

“You don’t trust yourself because of the decisions you’ve made before, but,” Nines stops to think of his words, “they’ve become lessons for you. You know what to do now. You know better and that’s better than not knowing anything.” 

Gavin nods gently, pulling Nines’ hand into his cheek even more, as if the android will let go anytime soon. He doesn’t fully agree with Nines’ words yet, but it was nice being validated. 

“You’re scared of hurting me, but I trust you enough to tell you that I know you won’t,” Nines puts a hand on Gavin’s other cheek, cupping his face and forcing Gavin to look at him now, “There’s more that I have yet to know, Gavin, but what I do know for certain is that you’re scared of not being enough for me,” Nines watches Gavin’s expression change. 

Gavin’s breath hitches in his throat, another lump forming and screaming to be let out. It was getting harder and harder to stay strong in front of Nines, but maybe he should let himself go for now and let Nines through. The voices in his head are slowly disappearing, but are not fully departing from him. 

“Gavin,” Nines continues, “you’re charming, handsome, caring...” Nines pauses to chuckle. “I could list everything, but we’d be here all night.” Gavin feels a smile forming on the corner of his lips. He blinks away the tears forming in his eyes as he waits for Nines to continue. They stare at each other for a moment, Gavin watching as Nines’ eyes go from his eyes to his lips from time-to-time. 

“You’re perfect to me, Gavin. You don’t have to become an...an android to be perfect in my eyes because you already are,” Nines leans forward to lean their foreheads together, “I love everything about you. Everything pretty and everything ugly about you, I love it. Those things are what make you Gavin Reed, my partner whom I fell in love with.” 

Gavin swallows before leaning forward and capturing Nines’ lips in his. They melt into the soft and slow kiss. This was different from all the other kisses they’ve shared in the past few months, but it was a good thing. Gavin feels a firework erupt in his chest when Nines pulls him deeper into the kiss. After a short while, Nines pulls away to make sure Gavin gets to breathe again.

“I—“ Gavin chokes, “I want to love myself the way you love me, Nines—“ Gavin cuts himself off with a soft sob. He hangs his head down as the tears start to flow down his cheeks again. Nines pulls him in, letting him cry into his chest. Gavin feels Nines stroking his back. “I want to trust myself the way you trust me. I— I can’t—“ 

Nines shushes Gavin softly, continuing to rub his back. “It’ll come, babe. You don’t have to force it.” Nines mumbles. He lets Gavin wrap his arms around his torso. It breaks his heart hearing and seeing Gavin like this, but it was all part of the process, no matter how painful it was for the both of them. 

“If that’s how you see me, then I want to be able to see myself like that as well, Nines. I wish I could see how you see me.” Gavin mumbles, sniffling. His head was already starting to ache from the crying he’s been doing. It dawns on him that he hasn’t cried this hard lately. It was cathartic, to say the least. Nines eventually gets to calm him down with the constant relaxing motions on his back, his sobs turning into soft sniffles as time passes by. Gavin lifts his head to look at Nines and eventually captures his lips in his again. Nines gently smiles in the kiss. 

Gavin can’t believe he actually feels at home for the first time in his life. If he wanted a sign to tell him Nines is his soulmate, this was it. This was that sign. He pulls away to look at Nines again. 

“I love you,” Gavin mutters, watching as Nines’ eyes turn soft again. The LED on his lover’s head turns into a bright blue, signaling to Gavin that he’s also at ease. That fact calms Gavin down further. He puts a hand on Nines’ cheek and smiles when Nines also leans into his touch. 

“I love you more,” Nines responds, pressing a kiss on Gavin’s palm. 

Gavin knows he’s still got a long way to go before he could fully love himself. He knows it won’t be easy at all, but maybe with Nines beside him, guiding and loving him, he would get there faster. Maybe he’d be more willing to open up, more willing to be vulnerable with Nines about his baggage. That’s the aim, anyway, but for now, he’s content that they’re in this little bubble in his bed. 

“I have you, Gavin,” Nines whispers, “I promise.”

And that was all Gavin needed to hear.

**Author's Note:**

> don’t be afraid to leave comments because y’all know your girl’s a w*ore for comments 😛
> 
> don’t forget the kudos too 👉🏻👈🏻 
> 
> all jokes aside, thank you so much for reading! ❤️


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